Reflective Trails

"Shakuntala, wake up. "It's going to be late," screamed my mom, right next to my door, into my room. Of course, the sound went right past my head under my comforter.

Five minutes later... "SHAKUNTALA!! This is not working. This is not helping. You have grown up now. I can't keep waking you up every morning like I am doing every day since you were in kindergarten. You have to be independent. You have to take care of yourself. How much work do you think I should do for you? I get your dresses ready, prepare breakfast, pack lunch, and get you all the things you want in this world. You won't even be a little independent?"

Shakuntala thought, "Blah... blah... blah...First of all, if she calls me Shakuntala, I will not even bother. I mean, who would keep a name like Shakuntala? It's prehistoric! Look at my friends. They all have cool names: Jhanvi, Shreya, and Cathy. Why couldn't my people think of any other names? My mom's grandma had the name, and who inherited it? Me! Hmmph!"

Shakuntala came down to breakfast and started gulping some cereal with milk. "Ma, why did you choose Shakuntala for my name. Couldn't you choose names like Priya and Swetha? They sound cool. All my friends have cool names. It's so embarrassing to be called Shakuntala in front of them."

Mom put one hand on her hips and wagged a finger at me threateningly."Don't you dare make fun of your name. It's the name of my grandmother. Shakuntala is a beautiful name. Be happy we didn't choose your dad's grandmother's name - Abhithakuchalambal. By the way, you didn't hear any of my words this morning. Did you only get the name bit?"

Shakuntala sighed, "Huh huh, anyway, there were a lot of loud voices. So it all got mushed a bit. You need to chill and relax. Then maybe I could hear you. Bye, see you later"

As Shakuntala sat next to her best friend Jhanvi and all her other friends from class 9 on the school bus, they became busy chatting about the latest songs, a new movie release and dress ideas for the upcoming Diwali. As the bus reached school, Shakuntala took a deep breath. "Let's get on with it", she thought and braced herself. Jhanvi walked right next to her like a security guard.

"Hey, Grandma...." teased the trio-plastics of the school as Shakuntala walked past them. Shakuntala glanced sideways at them. The trios-Tina, Priya, and Diya- looked at her with teasing eyes and mocking chins. This was their everyday charade. They loved to pick on seemingly timid and nerdy girls to stamp their authority. They were both feared and admired at the same time. Shakuntala was their everyday pick. "Grandma, can you tell us bedtime stories when we go to the boring class later today? Anyway, you won't have anything cool to do because no one will be your friend except for the losers...hahaha."

Shakuntala felt like she was about to burst. Shame and embarrassment coursed through her, and she bent her head down and hurried towards her first class of the day, English. Why couldn't she just have a cool name? She could avoid all this. She couldn't think of a single thing to give back at them.

Mrs Deepti walked in with a serene smile and put her books on the table. Her classes were the most mesmerising and engaging in all subjects, and she announced she had an exciting story to share today. Everybody sat upright and was ready for the story.

"Do you know there is another name for our country other than India?"

"Yes, ma'am, Bharat, Hindustan", said Jhanvi, the know-it-all.

"Excellent, Jhanvi. How did our country get the name Bharat?"

"It was the name of a great king named King Bharata", said Jhanvi.

"Do you know the story of King Bharata?"

Everybody shook their heads sideways, and Jhanvi looked as though she had done an injustice to her studies for not knowing the story.

Mrs Deepti began to tell the story.

King Bharata was the greatest king who united the whole country under one banner.

Long ago, there lived a king named Dushyanta. Once, when he went hunting, he found somebody trying to stop his arrows from hitting the deer. King Dushyanta got so angry that he decided to punish the person who was spoiling his game. As he went deeper into the woods, he saw a beautiful girl caressing the deer, which was supposed to be his target. He was enthralled by her bravery and courage in trying to save the deer. His anger was forgotten, and he fell in love with the girl at first sight. And soon, they got married in the nearby ashram. For days, they lived happily in the forest before kingly duties beckoned the King to return to the palace. As the duty included an imminent war, King Dushyanta promised the girl that he would return and take her to the palace once he solved the imminent threat.

Days went to months, and there was no sign of the girl's husband. The girl delivered a baby boy. Due to a sage's curse on the girl, the King forgot about his young wife and continued to live in his kingdom. And she continued to live in the forest. She grew her son into a brave, compassionate, righteous warrior. She ensured he received all the knowledge with the help of the sages residing in the ashram. The boy became a strong, handsome man who knew no fear.

One day, as King Dushyanta passed by the river near the ashram, he saw a young man counting the teeth of a tiger by opening its mouth.

"Oh, brave young man, who are you? "asked the King.

The boy replied, " I am Bharata, son of King Dushyanta". The shocked King asked him to take him to his mother. On seeing the mother, the King remembered his past and immediately ran to the mother.

"Oh, my dear! Is it really you? All these years, where have you been? Is that our son? Please forgive me. Please come with me to the palace now. I will make you my queen."

The girl said, "My Lord! Due to my curse, it is my misgiving that you forgot me. There is nothing wrong with what you have done. But I cannot come back to the palace. I live here, and I cannot suddenly come and become a queen. Please take our son with you. I have taught him all that is required to be a king. He will take care of the kingdom just like you."

"In that case, I will give my kingdom to my son right here. From now on, I cannot live without you, even for a moment. I will live with you in the forest," said the King.

The mother's name was Shakuntala, and she bore the greatest king of all time, King Bharata.

The whole class was silent, and Shakuntala's eyes were filled with tears. The trios sat stunned. Ms Deepti gave them a pointed look. The trios mocking grins had been replaced by awkward glances. The bell rang, and Shakuntala's head rose high as she stood up, picked up her books, and walked to the next class. None of the taunting mattered anymore. She had the name of one of the legends of this land. Nothing could beat that.

When she returned home, she hugged her mom and said, "Thank you for choosing this name for me." Her mother smiled, brushing her daughter’s hair. "You see, my dear, it’s not just a name. It is a legacy."

There are many answers to the question, “Who am I?” Philosophically, one may say there is no individual “I” at all, only “I am That.” Po from Kung Fu Panda might say, “I am everything. For me, I truly don't know who I am. What is my place in this world? Why am I here? What actions would help me feel a true sense of purpose or contentment?

After my undergrad, I told my panel of selectors for my MBA course that I am going to be a business tycoon. I will develop a robotics lab and start a company where all tech people can put their heads together and innovate. (Of course, I had just finished reading Isaac Asimov ) I even prepared an elaborate business plan from financial statements, infrastructure, procurement, marketing to recruitment that I would present to the venture capitalists. I quickly discovered that I neither had the desire nor the inclination to proceed with my proposals. It was a good plan, but then it would have been my only action in my whole life. So no, thank you. Early on, I realized there must be far more important things in life than just dedicating my life to my ideas.

Then, gently or rather like a hammer on my head, I got married, and I had my first baby in my arms. That changed everything. Unbeknownst to me, I automatically changed my goals, prioritising my child's upbringing. And planned to have another baby within 3 years. (Because I don't want my two children to have too much of an age gap, I wanted them to be close to each other.) My husband and I were very clear that we would have only two children. Not more, not less.

By then, I had clearly decided that a corporate job was not for me because I could not compromise my time with my children. They were too precious to me. I put my children in the local play school for nursery, but they never really learned much there. My elder child had finished grade 1, and my younger one was about to start school. At this point, we got an opportunity to go to Toronto because of my husband's deputation.

First day of school. The school had an orientation for parents. As I entered my younger child’s classroom, Ms Miligan welcomed us with a warm smile. She told us that although it was her daughter's birthday and she had to be at her party, she was very happy to be with us parents and meet her new children. She showed us around and told us how the curriculum would be taught. The entire approach to teaching felt new to me. And I was awestruck with the class setup, different work stations, the smart board, basically everything. Ms Miligan was patient and took time to explain to us naive parents everything. At that moment, I remember admiring her commitment to being a teacher and performing to the best of her abilities even through late evening. By the time the orientation was concluded, it was well past 8:30 at night.

As my kids started their school routine, I wanted to spend more time at the school, and I volunteered to participate in the school activities. I just loved the science fair week, dance week, and all the experiments children were given options to do. The classrooms were filled with interesting children’s workstations, had colourful classroom walls, hands-on learning, and the warmth of the teacher. Every opportunity sparked curiosity, excitement, and learning in me, just as it did in the children. I began to look forward to any voluntary requirements from the school, even if it meant serving juice to students on sports activity days. I noticed that there were very few absentees, and children walked into the school with zeal and enthusiasm. Even on the worst snow and cold days.

And that is when I discovered my interest in becoming a teacher. Once we came back to India, I did my teacher training certification, and it has been a wonderful journey ever since as an educator.

I am still discovering who I am. But along this wonderful discovery trail, I have learned that I can wear many hats: a passionate educator, an affectionate mother, a loving wife, and still get to discover more! How exciting is that?

I have already started learning Spanish. I do aspire to play the guitar. I do dream of travelling to new destinations.

I now realize that perhaps the answer to “Who am I?” is never meant to be fixed. Perhaps we discover ourselves continuously through the lives we live, the people we love, and the things that continue to awaken wonder within us.